Facing Demons
Tell me, with words so soft I can still hear the whisper that I'm listening for.
When I close my eyes to indulge in the peace I take, I faint. I die out.
No longer will I rush to penetrate my ever so wandering heart from collapsing.
Never again will I retrieve my thoughts, that have been lost while searching for you.
I will forever capture the moments I have enlightened myself with.
When I close my eyes to indulge in the peace I take, I faint. I die out.
No longer will I rush to penetrate my ever so wandering heart from collapsing.
Never again will I retrieve my thoughts, that have been lost while searching for you.
I will forever capture the moments I have enlightened myself with.
Life To Spare
It has taken me too long to realize the fair weather and the games being played in my backyard are all just for show. There is no dying breed, because the breed is not alive.
Take me with you, to the place you always to go to get what you want out of life. Show me the signs and the signals that I need to follow in order to get there.
I've been holding this map for 18 miles and so far the road that I'm on has only taken me to places I'm not sure I was supposed to go, some of which, though, I wanted to be at.
The summer time will bring new hope. I will encourage the word live to be highlighted in the way I live my life. I'm hoping that word, live, will be my main focus this time.
Do you know the gritty feeling you have on your teeth when you first wake up in the morning, and after you brush, that feeling slopes down into your stomach and makes you realize you are very hungry? And so you go into the kitchen and grab a bowl out of the cabinet and you reach into the pantry and grab your favorite box of cereal. Then you open the door to your refrigerator, grab the milk, and begin to pour it into the bowl of cereal you have placed before yourself. After you finish eating, the same gritty feeling that you felt earlier is back on your teeth.
I wonder why the lights in the city are never turned off. Don't people want to see the darkness of the earth? Are they afraid it will reveal their own darkness?
Even though I can smell the rain coming, and I know It's going to be very hard, I will walk with confidence and I will walk the the strength of 10,000 men.
Bury the hatchet, for the blade is dull and the handle is cracked. Throw away your rake, for the metal has rusted. I will chop what you need chopped and I will plant what you need grown.
Take me with you, to the place you always to go to get what you want out of life. Show me the signs and the signals that I need to follow in order to get there.
I've been holding this map for 18 miles and so far the road that I'm on has only taken me to places I'm not sure I was supposed to go, some of which, though, I wanted to be at.
The summer time will bring new hope. I will encourage the word live to be highlighted in the way I live my life. I'm hoping that word, live, will be my main focus this time.
Do you know the gritty feeling you have on your teeth when you first wake up in the morning, and after you brush, that feeling slopes down into your stomach and makes you realize you are very hungry? And so you go into the kitchen and grab a bowl out of the cabinet and you reach into the pantry and grab your favorite box of cereal. Then you open the door to your refrigerator, grab the milk, and begin to pour it into the bowl of cereal you have placed before yourself. After you finish eating, the same gritty feeling that you felt earlier is back on your teeth.
I wonder why the lights in the city are never turned off. Don't people want to see the darkness of the earth? Are they afraid it will reveal their own darkness?
Even though I can smell the rain coming, and I know It's going to be very hard, I will walk with confidence and I will walk the the strength of 10,000 men.
Bury the hatchet, for the blade is dull and the handle is cracked. Throw away your rake, for the metal has rusted. I will chop what you need chopped and I will plant what you need grown.
Chokehold
Losing my freedom and self control balances the fair game act to the point where I am but a brainy human, wandering in the bleakness of life and challenged by the coldness of the air, strangling myself in order to gain a certain respect that is so obviously needed in order to maintain life on this planet, as told by the ones in charge.
I will begin to see the world with a new set of eyes, pairing me with a puzzle that will once and for all be put together on a table that can not be rocked or taken away. My eyes will brighten a future and will continuously loosen the grip of my own hands around my neck.
Reality will once again lie to us and manipulate our well being to the point where we will become blinded and only see what comes out of the eyes we've been given; so subtly by the ones who only want us to see the images they create.
Transformation begins within a single soul, rising from the ashes and creating a halt that will eliminate all struggle, for wishing life away is emancipated and living life is granted.
I will begin to see the world with a new set of eyes, pairing me with a puzzle that will once and for all be put together on a table that can not be rocked or taken away. My eyes will brighten a future and will continuously loosen the grip of my own hands around my neck.
Reality will once again lie to us and manipulate our well being to the point where we will become blinded and only see what comes out of the eyes we've been given; so subtly by the ones who only want us to see the images they create.
Transformation begins within a single soul, rising from the ashes and creating a halt that will eliminate all struggle, for wishing life away is emancipated and living life is granted.
1253.
These holes remind me of air.
They remind me of breathing.
I never realize its there, that I'm doing it,
but it's what I do most, and I'm a pro at it.
I reach up and feel what I've done
and forget it has even happened.
Four months later, and I will be bigger.
They remind me of breathing.
I never realize its there, that I'm doing it,
but it's what I do most, and I'm a pro at it.
I reach up and feel what I've done
and forget it has even happened.
Four months later, and I will be bigger.
258.
There is no forgetting what can't be forgot,
and you my friend I can not forget.
Thinking of you is easy when I have
so much to be thankful for because of you.
Hearing from you makes me so excited,
it make me so happy, and so at ease.
I don't know what's going on there.
I don't know what you're doing,
and I can't ask you how you are doing.
All I can do, and all I do do is pray for you
and ask that angels carry you.
There is no forgetting you, my friend.
I will hopefully hear from you soon.
-landon
and you my friend I can not forget.
Thinking of you is easy when I have
so much to be thankful for because of you.
Hearing from you makes me so excited,
it make me so happy, and so at ease.
I don't know what's going on there.
I don't know what you're doing,
and I can't ask you how you are doing.
All I can do, and all I do do is pray for you
and ask that angels carry you.
There is no forgetting you, my friend.
I will hopefully hear from you soon.
-landon
My Mind
My mind keeps hitting me, but I feel like I'm winning. I've learned to take these blows pretty good. I've learned to fall without breaking any bones, just getting a few little scratches, nothing I won't forget about in a few minutes. I may try to fall, only to get your attention, and when It works, its doesn't make me happy. And when It doesn't work, I feel like I need to try again. My mind trips me, but I've learned how to keep my balance, and not fall over. I think of training myself to not be so "in the past" with everything. I try to tell my mind that it's over, that I'm done, finished, I'm not going to play it's games anymore. Sometimes I hate my mind, I feel like it wants me to suffer, like it wants me to be down on myself, but then I realize, my mind is a part of me, my mind is my mind and I shouldn't be doing that to myself. I can tell though that the sun is rising, and the clouds are moving away, and I can forget about all of it soon.
Dodge
Shot, stabbed, punched, bruised,
that was a good day.
Do you know where you were?
I can't believe it ended so well.
My mind has gone blank,
clouds caused the overcast.
This is a cardboard town.
The rain can ruin it all,
but that day, I remember,
everything became sober.
The stars looked closer.
Maybe I was flying,
They told me that I wasn't.
I'll keep running though.
that was a good day.
Do you know where you were?
I can't believe it ended so well.
My mind has gone blank,
clouds caused the overcast.
This is a cardboard town.
The rain can ruin it all,
but that day, I remember,
everything became sober.
The stars looked closer.
Maybe I was flying,
They told me that I wasn't.
I'll keep running though.
1226.
This seems a little unfair.
But I've done the same thing.
So I really can't be mad.
Now I know how they feel.
How they must have felt.
I wish I wasn't human,
humans let humans down,
every day, all the time.
I don't like to let people down,
and I don't like to be let down.
It seems unfair to me,
I wasn't chosen to be a rabbit.
But I've done the same thing.
So I really can't be mad.
Now I know how they feel.
How they must have felt.
I wish I wasn't human,
humans let humans down,
every day, all the time.
I don't like to let people down,
and I don't like to be let down.
It seems unfair to me,
I wasn't chosen to be a rabbit.
Black and White
What am I trying to write,
all of my words fall short?
Nothing that I say can completely
capture what I'm trying to tell you.
It's capturing a picture in black and white.
You can't tell what the stripes look like.
All you see are the horizontal lines
that go nowhere, and start nowhere.
I would be mad If I were you,
not being able to figure it out,
what I'm trying to say.
I don't know what I'm trying to say.
These colors around me are fading,
soon I'll see what you see.
Black and white. Start and Stop.
all of my words fall short?
Nothing that I say can completely
capture what I'm trying to tell you.
It's capturing a picture in black and white.
You can't tell what the stripes look like.
All you see are the horizontal lines
that go nowhere, and start nowhere.
I would be mad If I were you,
not being able to figure it out,
what I'm trying to say.
I don't know what I'm trying to say.
These colors around me are fading,
soon I'll see what you see.
Black and white. Start and Stop.
Hunger
Im hungry, for food.
This is not a metaphor.
I just really want something to eat.
It's not like I'm saying
Im hungry for life.
No, that's funny, I'm full of life.
I need, like, some macaroni.
I ate all of my frozen pizza.
I ate all of my left over pizza.
I do have some macaroni.
This is not a metaphor.
I just really want something to eat.
It's not like I'm saying
Im hungry for life.
No, that's funny, I'm full of life.
I need, like, some macaroni.
I ate all of my frozen pizza.
I ate all of my left over pizza.
I do have some macaroni.
Moses.
My parents went out of town this week.
I have a dog, and don't let him out very often.
My house smells like pee.
Not to mention my feet smell really bad too.
It's 2:51 a.m. and I might go buy some air freshener.
I have a dog, and don't let him out very often.
My house smells like pee.
Not to mention my feet smell really bad too.
It's 2:51 a.m. and I might go buy some air freshener.
245.
There is no sweeping, especially off my feet.
Im clean. Torn, flipped upside down.
Keeping you up at night, forcing you.
Twisting your words, trailing off, one, two, three...
Throw me one less rock at a time.
Also, don't forget to wipe your feet at the door.
Im clean. Torn, flipped upside down.
Keeping you up at night, forcing you.
Twisting your words, trailing off, one, two, three...
Throw me one less rock at a time.
Also, don't forget to wipe your feet at the door.
251.
The drive wasn't bad
but failing to remember hurt.
Noticing all the wrong exits,
but missing what's right,
I've transformed into night.
My vision is failing,
but no matter what I still see,
for some reason.
I don't know what's possible,
because nothing impossible.
but failing to remember hurt.
Noticing all the wrong exits,
but missing what's right,
I've transformed into night.
My vision is failing,
but no matter what I still see,
for some reason.
I don't know what's possible,
because nothing impossible.
Collapsing Worlds
When the earth crumbles, where will I fall,
back to where I was before?
No, not again, I'll float to a new beginning.
A place where I can start fresh,
where my mind won't collapse under the confusion,
where the slightest thing won't set me off.
I will float there, I am floating there,
right now, I wont fall because the world is crumbling.
It's strange to feel two different ways.
I will not fight this, because I have already won.
back to where I was before?
No, not again, I'll float to a new beginning.
A place where I can start fresh,
where my mind won't collapse under the confusion,
where the slightest thing won't set me off.
I will float there, I am floating there,
right now, I wont fall because the world is crumbling.
It's strange to feel two different ways.
I will not fight this, because I have already won.
Circles
These circles, they don't lead anywhere.
I just keep coming around to where I was before.
I feel so good and so content.
Then I come back around and like hell has me.
It's got me in it's grips and no matter what I do,
It's not going to let me go. I'm tired of waiting.
I thought this was all over, I thought I was happy for good.
What is going on, what is happening?
This circle is tricking me to believe it's a line,
and it will eventually go straight.
I see now though that this circle cannot be broken.
I will be with me for the rest of my life.
It is life, the circle.
I pray for patience, but I have to wait for it.
I pray for peace, but I'm at war with myself.
I pray for forgiveness, but still I am dirty.
When will it all end?
When can I be free from this mess?
I just keep coming around to where I was before.
I feel so good and so content.
Then I come back around and like hell has me.
It's got me in it's grips and no matter what I do,
It's not going to let me go. I'm tired of waiting.
I thought this was all over, I thought I was happy for good.
What is going on, what is happening?
This circle is tricking me to believe it's a line,
and it will eventually go straight.
I see now though that this circle cannot be broken.
I will be with me for the rest of my life.
It is life, the circle.
I pray for patience, but I have to wait for it.
I pray for peace, but I'm at war with myself.
I pray for forgiveness, but still I am dirty.
When will it all end?
When can I be free from this mess?
WELL, well well.
I'm sorry but there is no way I'm taking the risk of mailing you a letter.
You and I both know what might happen if they find out you've being staying in touch with me.
I'm so glad you're still working through things, and you're getting better.
That makes me so happy to hear.
When you put your faith in God and you truly believe that what he does is best for you, then nothing is impossible and you will live forever.
I'm so glad to have heard from you.
I don't know when or if you are going to be able to read this, but it will be waiting for you when you get the chance.
I still pray for you, you mean so much to me.
It's awesome, life I mean, life is just such a good thing to have, and it's something we really need to hold on to and we really need to take advantage of while we still have the chance.
Someday I plan on walking the butt with you.
I'll talk to you soon Natatat.
Your friend for life, Landon.
You and I both know what might happen if they find out you've being staying in touch with me.
I'm so glad you're still working through things, and you're getting better.
That makes me so happy to hear.
When you put your faith in God and you truly believe that what he does is best for you, then nothing is impossible and you will live forever.
I'm so glad to have heard from you.
I don't know when or if you are going to be able to read this, but it will be waiting for you when you get the chance.
I still pray for you, you mean so much to me.
It's awesome, life I mean, life is just such a good thing to have, and it's something we really need to hold on to and we really need to take advantage of while we still have the chance.
Someday I plan on walking the butt with you.
I'll talk to you soon Natatat.
Your friend for life, Landon.
A Drain For Comets
I'm a comet and I live in outer space. I fly around, I mean, that's just what I do, I have no other life. It's a great view from where I'm at, usually. I can see the earth pretty clearly from here. From where I'm at, it all looks so confusing. I mean on one side of the planet, time seems to be moving at a super fast rate. There are these creatures, these animals, I do not know, that are just moving at unbearably fast speeds my eyes can hardly keep up. Then on another area of the planet, everyone is moving slow, they seem to not be in as big of a hurry as everyone else. The world never used to be like that, I mean, at least I don't remember it being that way. I'm getting sick of it, of staring at this world, it sickens me. I might fly into someday.
Street
I've been to too many towns,
much more than glass,
cracked all over the street,
containing ruins, clung to the ground
ageless, and lifeless.
Streets that thrive on hate,
lives being ruined,
torched with pain and jealousy,
I've seen these streets,
I've walked down them.
much more than glass,
cracked all over the street,
containing ruins, clung to the ground
ageless, and lifeless.
Streets that thrive on hate,
lives being ruined,
torched with pain and jealousy,
I've seen these streets,
I've walked down them.
The hole.
There is a hole in my wall,
back in the corner next to my chair.
I don't sit in that chair.
I just put things on it.
My glasses, my empty camera,
my drum sticks, blank CD's.
I don't know where the hole leads,
probably no where.
This hole, the one behind my chair,
I'd like to think it leads to a bank.
A bank that is open on sundays,
because I really need to deposit a check.
back in the corner next to my chair.
I don't sit in that chair.
I just put things on it.
My glasses, my empty camera,
my drum sticks, blank CD's.
I don't know where the hole leads,
probably no where.
This hole, the one behind my chair,
I'd like to think it leads to a bank.
A bank that is open on sundays,
because I really need to deposit a check.
OfficeMax 2
The angel of death knows toasted croissant guy.
I couldn't hear what they were talking about.
The angel of death smiled.
A smile?
Why does he have friends?
Why do people like him.
He is death.
He kills.
Maybe thats his approach,
to look like a nice guy, to appear to be a good friend.
He can't trick me. He won't trick me.
I couldn't hear what they were talking about.
The angel of death smiled.
A smile?
Why does he have friends?
Why do people like him.
He is death.
He kills.
Maybe thats his approach,
to look like a nice guy, to appear to be a good friend.
He can't trick me. He won't trick me.
You called me today.
Because I have heard from you, I am so much happier.
Happier than what I was before, and believe me, I was pretty happy.
I am so proud of you.
And you know, God works in such perfect ways, so we never have to worry or be afraid or have doubts or anything.
This is awesome, I'm glad you're working through things.
I'm SO glad you can stand within yourself.
Much love, Your friend always, Landon.
Happier than what I was before, and believe me, I was pretty happy.
I am so proud of you.
And you know, God works in such perfect ways, so we never have to worry or be afraid or have doubts or anything.
This is awesome, I'm glad you're working through things.
I'm SO glad you can stand within yourself.
Much love, Your friend always, Landon.
OfficeMax
This notepad is unbelievably yellow.
Unbelievable? Believe It!
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
maybe this mountain dew will help me
wake up.
The angel of death knows someone.
They were talking when he came out of the bathroom
Then they ate together.
Maybe the sun does shine is his life. Who knows?
Of course he is
Still one of the He works for the highway
weirdest people with 12 other guys.
I have ever come into contact with.
Alex thinks he's a construction worker.
Maybe...
Im thirsty, what should I drink?
hmm...
Mountain dew in my head and I'm alright.
Mountain Dew in my head I feel just right.
The angel of death knows barry Postumus. Doesn't he have his own freezer, he has been working at St. Mary's for ten years? Doesn't the morgue have a freezer he could use?
Unbelievable? Believe It!
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
maybe this mountain dew will help me
wake up.
The angel of death knows someone.
They were talking when he came out of the bathroom
Then they ate together.
Maybe the sun does shine is his life. Who knows?
Of course he is
Still one of the He works for the highway
weirdest people with 12 other guys.
I have ever come into contact with.
Alex thinks he's a construction worker.
Maybe...
Im thirsty, what should I drink?
hmm...
Mountain dew in my head and I'm alright.
Mountain Dew in my head I feel just right.
The angel of death knows barry Postumus. Doesn't he have his own freezer, he has been working at St. Mary's for ten years? Doesn't the morgue have a freezer he could use?
Corruption.
Stretched out arms,
consumed in mud,
filth reigns over my life,
content with almost,
sleeping through days
eyes open,
I'm condemned.
consumed in mud,
filth reigns over my life,
content with almost,
sleeping through days
eyes open,
I'm condemned.
Welcome
You are new, the taste, it's good.
I wish you would have been here
a month ago, two months ago.
It doesn't matter, you're here now.
I am finally happy,
and I'm taking advantage of it.
If for some reason my mind weakens again,
I can feel that your presence will help.
I am training for utopia.
I wish you would have been here
a month ago, two months ago.
It doesn't matter, you're here now.
I am finally happy,
and I'm taking advantage of it.
If for some reason my mind weakens again,
I can feel that your presence will help.
I am training for utopia.
Tonight, I leave.
Tonight, I leave, but only for one week,
to wrap my mind around this world
that I can't very well see from where
I am standing right now.
This ground that is below me is dirt.
I've stood here before, it's nothing special,
in fact I don't like like one bit, it's hard.
I want to walk somewhere that has grass.
Before I leave, I face one obstacle,
but it isn't in my way because
I placed it there myself,
and I want it to be there.
Still, Im nervous, I don't know what's to come.
I don't feel prepared, and I might tense up.
Exactly the reason, God is Always with me.
The way through him is hard, but the reward is eternal.
to wrap my mind around this world
that I can't very well see from where
I am standing right now.
This ground that is below me is dirt.
I've stood here before, it's nothing special,
in fact I don't like like one bit, it's hard.
I want to walk somewhere that has grass.
Before I leave, I face one obstacle,
but it isn't in my way because
I placed it there myself,
and I want it to be there.
Still, Im nervous, I don't know what's to come.
I don't feel prepared, and I might tense up.
Exactly the reason, God is Always with me.
The way through him is hard, but the reward is eternal.
Broken Lantern
Confusion isn't the right word, because it's so much more then that. Life changes and things happen that make my mind crash and burn over and over agin until all thats left is a pile of ash sitting on the ground, blowing around in the wind, all over everybody's yards, porches, cars, driveways... My body is weak to this mess, it doesn't treat me the way it used to, back when I thought I had my whole life in order, back when I could still look into my future and see what was to come. Where did it all go? I want to fish out my future, and hold onto it, and make sure nothing happens to where I loose it again, or make it fuzzy. Fear isn't the right word, because it's so much more then that.
Revolution At Last
I will fight and put my life down,
for the same reason I am meant to be alive.
The gates will open,
My name will be called,
light will blind my eyes and they will be reopened,
and all I will see will be good.
These days are numbered,
but eternity lasts forever, and I will be there.
Give me the strength oh Lord,
to fight what is against me
and to overcome over evil.
for the same reason I am meant to be alive.
The gates will open,
My name will be called,
light will blind my eyes and they will be reopened,
and all I will see will be good.
These days are numbered,
but eternity lasts forever, and I will be there.
Give me the strength oh Lord,
to fight what is against me
and to overcome over evil.
You're Not Cool
As sweat drips from my face,
I think of you, and your cold hands,
and I stab at you, over an over,
but you're too strong, you fend me off.
I want to rip your head off,
I want you to be gone forever,
not just when I'm feeling sad.
One day, when this is all over,
I am going to kill you.
Words can't describe
the pain you will feel,
when the army I fight for
goes to battle with you.
You sit and watch me suffer,
and it's what you want.
You laugh in my face as
and feed off my tears.
Get away from me you rotten
dark, evil, thing.
I want nothing to do with you.
Go home, leave me alone.
I have more then you know.
More strength, more courage.
Your hands can't touch me,
because I have the stronger team.
I think of you, and your cold hands,
and I stab at you, over an over,
but you're too strong, you fend me off.
I want to rip your head off,
I want you to be gone forever,
not just when I'm feeling sad.
One day, when this is all over,
I am going to kill you.
Words can't describe
the pain you will feel,
when the army I fight for
goes to battle with you.
You sit and watch me suffer,
and it's what you want.
You laugh in my face as
and feed off my tears.
Get away from me you rotten
dark, evil, thing.
I want nothing to do with you.
Go home, leave me alone.
I have more then you know.
More strength, more courage.
Your hands can't touch me,
because I have the stronger team.
Pain
Pain will never leave us.
Pain will never like us.
It will always hurt us.
It will always take us down.
But pain is one of two choices.
The other being life.
I want to live.
And I know you do too.
I 'm stuck between a rock and a rock.
Where do I go from here?
God wants to help me,
but my ears are closed.
God wants to help you
but your ears are closed.
Pain will never like us.
It will always hurt us.
It will always take us down.
But pain is one of two choices.
The other being life.
I want to live.
And I know you do too.
I 'm stuck between a rock and a rock.
Where do I go from here?
God wants to help me,
but my ears are closed.
God wants to help you
but your ears are closed.
Trying
my mind wants me to try
but that will only set me up for failure
and my heart just wants me to do it
so i am no longer going to try
i am going with my heart on this one
but that will only set me up for failure
and my heart just wants me to do it
so i am no longer going to try
i am going with my heart on this one
Not Done
I'm chopping down trees with my bare hands,
not getting much yet, I wont fret, just bet me,
any other time I would say your a goner,
Trying to flip coins through another's point of honor.
not getting much yet, I wont fret, just bet me,
any other time I would say your a goner,
Trying to flip coins through another's point of honor.
Behold
I have nothing that changes before the face of God,
for where I am known, I am found,
and when I am lost, the sky trembles with pain.
The eyes of the almighty are granted to me,
and I am able to see, love and peace are within me.
Blood from my wrists turns into water,
fed to the poor, and the helpless,
my scars become maps, and my experience light.
Regret and guilt are spread like butter over my mind
but my heart attacks back with higher power,
for he lives within me, and I am not afraid.
I will no longer fear the threats and the temptations.
My jealousy will be hurt, for I will laugh at it,
say it is no longer welcome in my life.
Awakened within me is something new that cannot loose,
With the strength of the lord on my side,
all opposers may be vanquished into dust.
for where I am known, I am found,
and when I am lost, the sky trembles with pain.
The eyes of the almighty are granted to me,
and I am able to see, love and peace are within me.
Blood from my wrists turns into water,
fed to the poor, and the helpless,
my scars become maps, and my experience light.
Regret and guilt are spread like butter over my mind
but my heart attacks back with higher power,
for he lives within me, and I am not afraid.
I will no longer fear the threats and the temptations.
My jealousy will be hurt, for I will laugh at it,
say it is no longer welcome in my life.
Awakened within me is something new that cannot loose,
With the strength of the lord on my side,
all opposers may be vanquished into dust.
What do I deserve?
Anyone who I've recently talked to knows the answer to that.
They tell me, Landon, You'll be okay, everything is alright.
But deep down in all of your hearts you know exactly what I deserve.
And I know it too...
I don't deserve God
I don't deserve friends
I don't deserve life.
I've screwed up big time, and I can't take any of it back.
Where am I leading myself?
In what direction am I going?
Am I by myself?
Does anyone know how to help me?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and he will make your path straight.
How?
How?
What If i fail again, how can I trust in the Lord, that seems like such a hard thing to do?
In three days, I am signing up for classes at a Christian University to become a Youth Minister.
And I don't even know if I can trust God.
I'm not ready.
There has got to be something more to all of this madness.
Something deep down that I haven't found yet.
GOD GIVE ME THE ANSWER, HELP ME OUT OF THIS MESS!!
How can God forgive and forget?
Why can't I forget?
Why can't I rewind time two months ago and take all of it back?
I'm scared of living, scared of what might happen next, what I might do to someone else.
I'm scared of myself, I'm trying so hard to live my life.
I'm trying so hard to Trust Gods plan for my life.
I WANT IT!
I NEED IT!
God be with me today.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for the Lord, My God, is with me.
Anyone who I've recently talked to knows the answer to that.
They tell me, Landon, You'll be okay, everything is alright.
But deep down in all of your hearts you know exactly what I deserve.
And I know it too...
I don't deserve God
I don't deserve friends
I don't deserve life.
I've screwed up big time, and I can't take any of it back.
Where am I leading myself?
In what direction am I going?
Am I by myself?
Does anyone know how to help me?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and he will make your path straight.
How?
How?
What If i fail again, how can I trust in the Lord, that seems like such a hard thing to do?
In three days, I am signing up for classes at a Christian University to become a Youth Minister.
And I don't even know if I can trust God.
I'm not ready.
There has got to be something more to all of this madness.
Something deep down that I haven't found yet.
GOD GIVE ME THE ANSWER, HELP ME OUT OF THIS MESS!!
How can God forgive and forget?
Why can't I forget?
Why can't I rewind time two months ago and take all of it back?
I'm scared of living, scared of what might happen next, what I might do to someone else.
I'm scared of myself, I'm trying so hard to live my life.
I'm trying so hard to Trust Gods plan for my life.
I WANT IT!
I NEED IT!
God be with me today.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for the Lord, My God, is with me.
How Many Lives
How many lives will I hurt?
How many lives will I burden?
How many lives will I stress out?
How many lives will I annoy?
How many lives will I bother?
How many lives will I confuse?
How many lives will I embarrass?
How many lives will I get in the way of?
How many lives will I scare?
How many lives will I worry?
How many lives will I ruin before i feel good again?
I need to help everyone else before I help myself.
How many lives will I burden?
How many lives will I stress out?
How many lives will I annoy?
How many lives will I bother?
How many lives will I confuse?
How many lives will I embarrass?
How many lives will I get in the way of?
How many lives will I scare?
How many lives will I worry?
How many lives will I ruin before i feel good again?
I need to help everyone else before I help myself.
BVC 1.1
Water, dripping, noiseless,
feeling new, trapped,
it evaporates, the sun, killing,
giving life.
feeling new, trapped,
it evaporates, the sun, killing,
giving life.
Goodmorning.
It's not even noon,
and I feel what is coming.
My mind is in a war,
the pain is numbing.
My thought's won't rest,
as much as I try,
I want so bad,
for today, not to cry.
It's going to be hard,
the grip is so strong,
I'm trying to believe,
how I'm acting is wrong.
I'm being so selfish,
my heart is so weak,
I'll trust in the Lord,
and I'll find what I seek.
and I feel what is coming.
My mind is in a war,
the pain is numbing.
My thought's won't rest,
as much as I try,
I want so bad,
for today, not to cry.
It's going to be hard,
the grip is so strong,
I'm trying to believe,
how I'm acting is wrong.
I'm being so selfish,
my heart is so weak,
I'll trust in the Lord,
and I'll find what I seek.
Fallen Tree
I felt like a fallen tree today.
Lifeless, useless, worn out, old...
For some reason my thoughts always seem to get the best of me; my mind wanders and thinks things it shouldn't, it lets me believe things that deep down I know are not true. It's plays tricks on me, telling me one thing, then telling me the opposite. My heart and my mind are at war, and it's ripping the rest of me apart.
So I decided not to sit around, not to sulk and let my mind wander, not to waste my life away in my house and wish things were different. So I grabbed my longboard, put it in my car, and started driving out to the state park. The grass smelt good, freshly cut, it singed my nose, and all of the allergies it was enemies with, but I couldn't stop breathing in the fresh country air, there is no way I was turning on the air conditioning and rolling up my windows.
I never really go out and do things on my own. I guess I enjoy the company of other people, even if they are mean or sarcastic sometimes, I feel like having someone with me lets me know I'm not alone, not only in a physical matter.
I pulled into the parking lot of the state park, took my longboard out and began to ride it down a two lane bike/walking path. My mind still had its hold on me, still ripped me apart, my mind was still bashing me with thought of my life, what was wrong, what I wasn't doing, who I wasn't helping. My mind lies to me. It tells me things that aren't true and it scares me. I don't think logically, rather I let my emotions take control of me.
I came across this path that led into the woods and down towards the river. I walked it slowly, holding my board, not really knowing where I was going. I made it to the river and right next to me was a fallen tree. The tree was halfway on land, and halfway over the water. I leaned my board up against the tree and jump on top of it and sat down. I slid out to the end of the tree and dangled my feet above the water below. Bugs were everywhere, crawling all over the tree, all over me.
I looked down, under the tree, but back behind me, and saw a squirrel run underneath it. I leaned over to look some more and saw three or four baby squirrels eating what it's mother had brought them.
On top of the tree, moss was growing, there was tons of it, it drooped down over the side.
I looked out into the river, looked to my left and could see people fishing about a half mile down stream, I looked to my right and all I saw was river that continued on forever.
I began thinking about how I felt like a fallen tree, lifeless, useless,
but the tree I was sitting on didn't seem very useless at all to me. It was the home to hundreds of small animals. It was the foundation for plants to begin a new life. It was a chair for worried, confused people to come sit on and think about their lives.
Even though I feel like I have died, there is something more for me. I may no longer be standing tall, letting the sun hit the top of my leaves, but I'm a foundation for some other form of life. I will help something else, and I will not die out.
Time. Patience. Time. Patience.
Sooner or later, I'll look back and ask, why wasn't I living life?
But until then,
Patience is my enemy.
Patience Is My Enemy
I'll be home soon,
but patience is my enemy.
I'll be fine soon,
but patience is my enemy.
I'll love soon,
but patience is my enemy.
I'll see where I'm going soon,
but patience is my enemy.
Patience is my enemy,
but it's something I want, so I will fight for it.
Wait
There's a strange thing going on in my heart,
that says I'm going where I should be going,
but my head is telling me everything is wrong.
I'm in a spiritual war, and patience is my opposer.
Landon's Web
There has got to be something more then just this spider web,
holding me down, making me feel trapped, it's got my legs tangled.
I know I'm going to get out before the spider eats me,
but I feel like time is my enemy and patience is killing me.
I'm going to grow up, I won't be stuck here for ever,
There is an entire forest for me to crawl in, just waiting for me,
but the forest has to realize that I'm working on it.
Patience is the forest's enemy too.
Purpose
I'm going to stop looking at my life as if it's one big story, one big picture as to say. Rather, I'm going to look at it as multiple stories. I'm going to live my life with multiple purposes. Everyone has their purposes, not one person lives their life only to have one purpose. The biggest purpose in life is to worship and glorify the same God who placed six million leaves on an average elm tree, and for that reason, because he placed six million leaves on an average elm tree. He deserves our glory and deserves our praise. My purpose yesterday may have been to save my friends life. My purpose today may have been to talk to that same friend and let her know she is not alone. Her purpose for me was to tell me the same thing. My purpose several years ago was to help a good friend through an ugly divorce. My purpose a few weeks ago was to comfort a close friend. I will continue to live with many purposes and all of them will add up together to make the big picture until I have reached the end, the ultimate goal, which is finally meeting God. We all have purposes that we must live out, it's having faith in God and trust in him that we must all work on in order to get our story told.
Love and Live
You seem to have life by the horns,
I tell you to let go.
Let go and just live.
Live your life the way it was meant to be lived.
Love your life. Love others. Love yourself.
When your time comes, it will be the right time.
When it comes accept it.
Don't look back on your life,
and wish there was more.
Don't die with regrets.
Live now, and die later.
Your time to shine is in this very moment, God is calling to you.
Celebrate his name by proclaiming your life,
living your life, loving your life.
Let go of the horns. Live life.
Oops.
My friend doesn't like it when her sister put puts her dirty clothes in her clean clothes pile. So to prove that she was doing it, I set up a hidden camera in their room to catch her sister read handed. Too bad I got her making babies with her boyfriend instead.
Long
I tell you to long,
for longing is want,
and we need want,
because want leads to hope,
and hope leads to faith,
which is essentially the most important thing.
Car
My car is white. It's a 1996 Lincoln Continental but it drives like a 1989 Geo Metro. When I got in it this morning, I listened to it growl at me as the hydraulics worked their magic. As soon as it was done I turned my key in the ignition and listened to my car start and stop. I turned the key again and revved the engine a little, it stayed on. My radio wasn't working, I pounded on the dash to try and get some noise, all I heard was my fist pounding on the dash. The clock light was too dim to read so I took out my phone to see what time it was, I dropped it between the center console and the drivers seat. I slid my hand down the thin crack to retrieve my phone and my fingernail got caught on the lip of the metal underneath my seat, it bent back and began to bleed. I got my phone. I looked over to see that I still hadn't shut my door, so I shut it. The door made a loud noise, as if something inside of it was loose. I opened the door and shook it, it clanked, something inside of it was loose. I shut my door again, I started my car again, I buckled up again. The service engine light was on, I popped the trunk, took out my longboard, and began riding down the street.
This Morning
I woke up this morning in a bed that wasn't mine. I was facing the window. The blinds were open so the sun was shining right in my eyes. I could feel skin on my back and could hear breathing, it was also not mine. I looked over my shoulder, I saw her. I didn't know who she was. I got up and put my clothes on, everything but my underwear, I seemed to have misplaced them. I went into the bathroom, washed my face, used her toothbrush, then left.
My watch told me it was 5:43 a.m. but it had been broke since last summer. I looked across the street and saw line of pay phones. I didn't see my car and my cellphone was in my car the last time I checked, so I began to walk over to the pay phones to call for a ride. I put two quarters, it began ringing.
"Hello?"
"Lyell."
"What?"
"I need a ride, I don't know where I am."
"Well, where are you?"
"I'm at a phone booth next to a Burger King on North Clark."
"Ok, wait there."
I waited there for fifteen minutes, sitting on a dirty park bench with no underwear and only my thin work pants between us to block it from touching my skin. I got tired of waiting, so I picked up the phone again, I put two quarters in, it began ringing.
"Yea?"
"I need a ride, I'm on North Clark by Burger King sitting on a dirty park bench with no underwear."
"Sorry man, I'm outta town, went to the show up in Aurora."
I hung up and started walking down the sidewalk hoping I would see something familiar.
I passed a woman walking her dog. The beast lunged at me and ripped my pants off. I was now only wearing a shirt and shoes. Just as this happened, a police officer drove by and saw me, naked on the sidewalk. I already had a warrant out for me for grand theft auto, and I couldn't be pinned with indecent exposure too, so I ran. My junk swung around like a swing at the park in the summer. I wished now more then ever that I was wearing a jock strap. At the corner I met Lyell, jumped in the back of his truck and he sped all the way back to our house.
Safety
I will live my life one step at a time,
No fear or regret, I know you're on my side.
Change occurs for the better in me most times,
This is when I hear exactly what I see in the signs.
Get off my back you evil things,
I'm on the right track, unstoppable wings,
I will fly into clouds, over your heads,
For today I am safe, until all is said.
Wallow
How can I help? There is nothing I can do.
I am lost for words. I am speechless.
Why is the tunnel getting thinner?
Wind Chime
Can I really feel anything?
If I loose myself, will I still want everything I aspire to be?
There's a scratching at my door, but the dead bolt it melted to the wall.
The window is open. The screen is shut. It's locked from the outside.
I can breathe what's out there.
I can see it. Smell it.
You know that want is going out of style.
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